Its been a struggle. I even had to force myself to think and write about this topic!
I am not sure who said “Be kind, for everyone is fighting a hard battle” but I try to keep that in mind. Confidence means nothing when sometimes you are just fighting to survive.
I remember when I received an honours mark in Math! Math for heaven sake- it was my worst subject!! But after failing miserably I took it in a correspondence course, completed it at home and, it was as though a light bulb clicked on. Einstein move over!! Now I could do anything- but as long as I did it on my own!! No distractions!
It has always been feast or famine! Days of being enthusiastic and driven and sometimes nights of sorrow, fear, and self doubt. But as the Irish say, “a situation can be hopeless but never serious,” and so I was fortunate to inherit a predisposition for humour which often (but not always) helped me to “act as if” even when I wanted to stay hidden in my cave.
This is the story of me!! Confidence is like the weather, sometimes grey and heavy with rain and sometimes joyfully bright, but, if I have one day where at the end of it I am at peace, then that is a good day and I have confidence that I will have others. I am confident that I am still learning,- that I am a survivor and, what an amazing journey it is!!
I need to take time out and just be in the present and breathe in the moment and exhale it. Take it in and let it go.
Om mane padme hum.
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