“Should auld acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind”
Such a great mystery how you can be here one day and the next gone forever. I really don’t want to be here, but here I am, wearing loneliness like a cloak and trying to hide myself in silence. I sit in front of the fire and drink a glass of wine while outside the wind howls sorrowfully. And while I’m lost in my thoughts and memories it begins to snow. The snow covers the ground in a soft sparkling light powder. On the porch those soft flakes become tears on my face. A new year is coming and my birthday is on it’s eve. But he’s not here to celebrate with me. I am a stranger in a strange land now and I must adjust to new customs.
Every day I have something I want to ask or tell or show him, even the most mundane things like
“do you remember where you put that recipe? hey, I found that picture of us digging for fossils in Courtney. What is the Greek word for nephew? Your nephew sent a message! He loved that picture of you with the twins, the day their faces turned purple with crying and you rocked (swung) them both in their little seats until your arms almost fell off. You said you thought they were going to die and you had to act fast!! ” I so miss your humour.
“I called you to the window to see the little birds foraging in the snow,”
Remember this?
and these
Kourabiethes
Backgammon by candlelight
Yesterday I went for a walk. The world is still beautiful but he’s not here to share it now. So my resolution is to live the best I can in his memory and as difficult as that is right now. Covid still restricts us and Christmas was painful though I made his traditional Greek Christmas cookies (kourabiethes) and put up the lights. I know Nick would have loved to see it all, including this winter photo. He sometimes gave me suggestions in photoshop which I pretended to ignore and then followed them when he had left the room. He had a great eye. I’m told it gets easier.
And this was a lovely warm winter vacation once in Mexico
Safe journeys my darling mariner. May the wind be at your back, the seas be always calm, and my love be with you where ere ye be.
the runes of the gatekeeper's daughter- dedicated to Nick 
I wish you are doing well Cybele.. it’s heartbreaking to lose your love, friend and partner..
Sending you warm hugs!
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So sorry my dear. May the love you shared give you strength. xo
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thank you so much Darlene!
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May he never be forgotten. Here’s a toast to all our departed loved ones.
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thanks Sherry! It’s a struggle.
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Bless you, Hannah We learn to cope with grief, but easy it is not. Sending you hugs
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thank you dear Sue!
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You are most welcome
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This is so moving and beautiful. I pray these memories are a comfort to you and in time bring smiles, and joy to your soul.
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I hope so too Deb, I’m not there yet. Blessings for the New Year.
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Such a beautiful tribute to your Nick. Grief is so very, very painful but as others have said here, it does get easier over time. Keeping on creating helps – your work is so beautiful.
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thank you Suzanne, It’s a hard road for sure. I wish you a happy new year!
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Yes, it is hard. I lost my husband in a road accident many years ago. I understand what you’re going through. It does get easier with time.
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thank you Suzanne!
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We visited the Burns Cottage in Alloway during our trip to Scotland in 2016 and I am looking at my mousepad now, a memento of that occasion. There’s a picture of Rabbie Burns on the mousepad with the words “Then let us pray that come it may, As come it will for a’ that,” I hope you will tak a cup o’ kindness yet in the New Year, Cybele!
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and a happy new year toast to you Crow , thank you and Slainte!
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Gentle hugs, my sweet friend.
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thanks Janis! Blessings.
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A touching homage for your Nick. Beautiful photos that reflect the love you have for him and he for you. Loss does get better with time but never really leaves. The highs and lows like mountain peaks and valleys deep, ocean waves crashing and calm seas abiding. You will always have him in your heart and your shared memories held fast for he is and always will be a part of you. But you will move forward and life will continue. Thank you for sharing. Take good care and find peace wherever it is and abide with it there.
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thank you Renee, for your beautiful words. I hope things improve in the New Year but I miss him!! Blessings on the new year to you
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Well-written and touching.
Best wishes for your birthday and the new year, and that time will kindly ease the burden.
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much appreciated Emilio!! I wish you the best!
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Beautiful in every way thank you for this Big hugs
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many thanks
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Dearest
Grief and mourning,(and the bureaucracy and dealings involved) SUCK! I hope this is not automatically posted on your blog.
I was thinking of the Buddhist practice of breathing in the crap of the world and out breathing love..suffering can bring us to remembering to do this.
Again, you have expressed your own sorrow so beautifully; in a way that expresses it for all..
Wadda time it is!!!
“…We’ll take a cup of kindness dear for auld lang syne”.
Love and warm hugs, DG
>
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I’m always grateful for your words and insight DG!!! Much love to you in your sorrow!
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Your grief is so palpable and comes so starkly into focus at these celebratory times – keep going though the road feels long and lonely and until the singular feels more normal then everything you do will be for the two of you. Grief is slow release – I know only too well even after 3 years! Meanwhile I continue to enjoy your blog and send you the very best wishes for 2022
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thank you so much dear Laura. I know you have been on this same road. So sorry for my absence. It will get better I hope.
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no apologies! as in the song “But seas between us broad have roared” and we journey on when ready to board.
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Best wishes to you. you learn to cope with loss…but easy it is never.
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much love and good wishes to you Paula. Thank you!
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And here’s my hand my trusty friend in love and sorrow and thoughts for your mariner. xxx
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thank you so much Shey!! I hope all is well with you. Just think, I’ll never roam the Scottish landscape with Nick again.. He so loved it. Anyway I hope you are surviving Covid over there as we are in restrictions again here. Much love and bliadhna Mhath Ùr!
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All love to you my friend. So very sorry to read your post. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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Years ago, I learned a little poem/song that goes:
“Life is a valley of sorrow,
filled with a river of tears.
We will be sadder tomorrow,
and through the next million years.
Dag: You are young and talented. Nick will always be a fond memory, and keep it that way. Force yourself to get back out in the world and look for more adventures that may become memories. I’m now 87 and all I have is memories. always hugs, Dave Westerlund
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Not so young David, thank you but there is life ahead I know. Yes life is about loss. The older we get the more we understand this. Happy New Year and I hope you have a good one- maybe with your daughter and family? We again have all the horrid restrictions now!! Much love and blessings.
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My heart breaks with you
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thank you so much Sharon!
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Wishing you the strength to endure this grief, even as it gets easier over time.
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Good to hear from you Anita!! Thank you and God bless!
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