“Should auld acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind”
Such a great mystery how you can be here one day and the next gone forever. I really don’t want to be here, but here I am, wearing loneliness like a cloak and trying to hide myself in silence. I sit in front of the fire and drink a glass of wine while outside the wind howls sorrowfully. And while I’m lost in my thoughts and memories it begins to snow. The snow covers the ground in a soft sparkling light powder. On the porch those soft flakes become tears on my face. A new year is coming and my birthday is on it’s eve. But he’s not here to celebrate with me. I am a stranger in a strange land now and I must adjust to new customs.
Every day I have something I want to ask or tell or show him, even the most mundane things like
“do you remember where you put that recipe? hey, I found that picture of us digging for fossils in Courtney. What is the Greek word for nephew? Your nephew sent a message! He loved that picture of you with the twins, the day their faces turned purple with crying and you rocked (swung) them both in their little seats until your arms almost fell off. You said you thought they were going to die and you had to act fast!! ” I so miss your humour.
“I called you to the window to see the little birds foraging in the snow,”
Yesterday I went for a walk. The world is still beautiful but he’s not here to share it now. So my resolution is to live the best I can in his memory and as difficult as that is right now. Covid still restricts us and Christmas was painful though I made his traditional Greek Christmas cookies (kourabiethes) and put up the lights. I know Nick would have loved to see it all, including this winter photo. He sometimes gave me suggestions in photoshop which I pretended to ignore and then followed them when he had left the room. He had a great eye. I’m told it gets easier.
And this was a lovely warm winter vacation once in Mexico