I want to be able to individually thank all those who have contacted me on WordPress, on Facebook, by phone and gmail and those from home who sent flowers during this renewed pandemic, also to those virtual friends who support my virtual gallery and efforts,- but I can’t right now. As I have been told, grief can be exhausting and there is so much to do on a practical and legal level when in reality you just want to crawl into a cave and howl. I did begin by writing this message for someone I know and then decided that all could receive it as it really seemed to flow “de profundis “
I so appreciate all who have reached out. My Scottish cousins who we visited are planting a tree in Scotland in my partner’s memory. If at some point I am ever able to travel again there are many places, from Ireland and Scotland to Greece, those places we loved and felt at home, with Selena from Wexford where I could leave a bit of his essence, including our home here in Canada.
….Meanwhile I keep waiting for him to come back. I keep seeing him in the window as I come up the stairs …
It’s amazing how life can change in an instant. Time shifts and you wait for it to shift back but of course it doesn’t. The universe has rearranged itself. It is never sentimental and always relentless, yet, I still feel it is abundant with our wonderful echoes and the poetry of ours and others’ inscribed journeys, both painful and beautiful.
Sometimes I’m calm but grief comes in waves and overwhelms me. Sometimes it’s unbearable. Somehow I must find a new purpose but it takes time I suppose. My mouth is silent and full of the stories that will never be told…..
If you see me anywhere say hello, though I’m not sure if my mind will be in one place or another. Slowly, slowly.
Hold those you love even closer
All the best to you dear friends always and with much gratitude for your kindness, concern and sympathy
The Photographers! How I shall miss that! –
but also his lively politics, his concern over the children and animals, our debates, ( arguments) his fanatical composting, his respect for medical practitioners and fellow human beings, his spiritual outlook and so much more.
And for you Niko, such a lover of the sea, travel, opera and ballads: I hope you will ever hear the music. I will raise a glass my darling “agori” and listen.
There’s a blaze of light in every word, it doesn’t matter what you heard , the holy or the broken Hallelujah (Leonard Cohen)