A journey, a threshold, a silence

to my dear blogging friends,

I had thought this day would never happen. My fingers can barely pick at the jumble of letters I must try to arrange into thoughts and words.

Today is Nick’s birthday.

Late afternoon on Tues, September 14, after a few months of struggle, Nick lost the battle.  He left peacefully holding our hands,  but – oh it’s going to be so hard. We all were there.  Our hospital gowns were sodden.  I kept calling his name. I so miss him already.

 Chemotherapy wiped out his immune system leaving him with an infection that could not be eradicated  and the Lymphoma was just too extensive- and  all those shared stories and memories are now mine alone.  How will I tell them Nick, without your unique perspective and crazy accent?  I’m angry at God and the universe, I want to rewind the tape. I want to hold you again. I want you to call my name.

Nick was born in Athens Greece. He started out in the merchant marine in his late teens and then moved to Canada. After much hardship of working as a janitor, he went to cooking school. The rest is history. His restaurant became a great gathering place for many years and everyone loved his cuisine from kebabs to pizza, He had a Celtic soul because he loved the Emerald Isle and the misty highlands of Scotland. He made a mean Irish stew with soda bread and Bailey’ s cheesecake. Everyone loved his fabulous meals, his deadpan jokes and warmth- and oh the stories!
 

 

I really thought he’d pull through this and we’d be together traveling for many more years. He was my life through good and bad and his humour kept us going.  I bet a lot of people didn’t know he was a drummer and played in a band long ago which is why he enjoyed my brother Dean’s music. He loved my mom and dad and at every celebration his touch was in Mom’s  kitchen  (with her permission of course!)
His music was eclectic, from Opera to rock, and traditional Greek and Celtic music. Our travels were wonderful whether to the misty Isles or to Mexico or to Peter and Becky’s place in Penticton, not to mention our fossil runs to Courtney.
I kept begging him to fight and after a few days in ICU he wanted to come  home. The last words he heard from me before they intubated him and placed him in a coma. were- don’t worry, I’m right here and then we both said, I love you. . And now he isn’t here or maybe he  is behind me, or in the garden.  The veil feels very thin.  I can’t imagine the rest of my life right now.
 
You squeezed my hand as I spoke to you and you left quietly with a tear and a  sigh.  You are off traveling again but for now I cannot go and so my darling
 
“The Lord bless you and keep you; The Lord make His face shine upon you, And be gracious to you; The Lord lift up His countenance upon you, And give you peace. Till we meet again God Speed, a chuisle mo chroí  and Agapemou,
 

Hold those you love close, every day!

 
-Wait!  We are still driving the coast of Kerry and stopping at Paddy O’ She’s Pub for refreshment and music before heading on. Or you might find us at Greyfriars Bobby’s pub in Edinburgh. How Nick loved that story!
 
______________________________________________________________________________
 
 
So I’ll drink today, love,
I’ll sing to you, love
in pauper’s glory, my time I’ll bide
No home or ties, love,
A restless rover, if I can’t have you
by my side.  ( Rankin Family)
 

23 Comments Add yours

  1. Oh Cybele I’m so very very sorry. Thinking of you my dear friend and sending much love

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Darlene says:

    I am so very sorry to hear this. May your good memories sustain you. xo

    Like

    1. thank you Darlene!! Yes many manay memories though I am mostly crying . They say it gets better.

      Like

  3. Suzanne says:

    My heart goes out to you. I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Take care. Sending you love – Suzanne

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Dearest friend, I feel your immense sorrow which you have so poignantly conveyed in your heartfelt account. You cannot see me, but I do hope that you can feel me trying to comfort you. There is no distance that love and friendship cannot cross. I am deeply and sincerely sorry for your loss. May you always find solace in the love you you shared. Love never dies.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Oh my heart is breaking for you right now. I hope with time your memories bring you peace and comfort.
    Sending hugs and love on the wing. 🥰💕

    Liked by 1 person

  6. solaner says:

    I‘m sorry for your loss, Cybele. May the lord send an angle to comfort you

    Liked by 1 person

  7. PNCO says:

    Sorry to hear about your loss Cybele, my deepest condolances
    I will keep Nick in my prayers

    Liked by 1 person

  8. May you find peace with your memories, Cybele.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Sheila says:

    I’m so sorry for your loss. Deepest condolences and many prayers.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Sherry Felix says:

    My dear friend. My sincere condolences. I send my love ands support.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Peter Nena says:

    My deepest condolences, dear Cybele. I feel your pain. My the spirit of God give you strength to pull through this.

    Liked by 2 people

  12. Katherine says:

    So so sorry this mourning is yours, Cybele.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Adrian Lewis says:

    Very sorry to hear this, Cybele. Take good care of yourself. Adrian

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Sue says:

    Oh, Hannah, I’m so very sad for you….your loss will be unbearable for what seems forever, but you will find ways to manage. Sending Virtual hugs and lots of love Sue

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Anita says:

    I’m truly sorry for your loss, Cybele. May you find the strength to handle the grief, and may all the memories that you shared always be with you.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. My heart is with you

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Ms. Liz says:

    Much, much love to you xx

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Janice Benedetti says:

    I am so sorry to hear of your loss. From our family to yours our condolences go out to you and your family. Take care All our love

    Janice, Irma and the rest of the Benedetti family

    On Fri, Sep 17, 2021 at 11:05 AM the runes of the gatekeeper’s daughter wrote:

    > the dune mouse posted: “to my dear blogging friends, I had thought this > would never happen. My fingers can barely pick at the jumble of letters I > must try to arrange into thoughts and words. Today is Nick’s birthday. Late > afternoon on Tues, September14, Nick lost the ba” >

    Liked by 1 person

  19. My dear Cybele, I’m so sad for you. Your sense of loss must seem quite unbearable right now. Nick sounds like a wonderful man and a great partner with whom you’ve shared so many good times. I wish you peace in your grief and send you many hugs. xxx

    Liked by 2 people

  20. paula graham says:

    I cry for you, I do cry for you.

    Liked by 2 people

  21. I share your immense sorrow and feel next to you and your family. You retain a lovely memory of Nick, your heart will never be empty.
    Glauco

    Liked by 3 people

  22. Renee Espriu says:

    I am so very sorry for your loss. A wonderful life lived and shared. You will be in my thoughts. Do take good care.

    Liked by 2 people

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