a proper cup of tea

neurodiversity and a tendency to incohesive rambling!

The cosmos exhales, causing the earth to circle the sun, the galaxies to turn, and the seasons to change. The universe is unfolding as it does, not necessarily as it should or shouldn’t.

“We could learn to stop when the sun goes down and when the sun comes up. We could learn to listen to the wind; we could learn to notice that it’s raining or snowing or hailing or calm. We could reconnect with the weather that is ourselves, and we could realize that it’s sad. The sadder it is, and the vaster it is, the more our heart opens. We can stop thinking that good practice is when it’s smooth and calm, and bad practice is when it’s rough and dark. If we can hold it all in our hearts, then we can make a proper cup of tea”  Pema Chodrun

Back to school:

Before my daughter got her certificate in Special Ed, she worked as a school crossing guard. She was out there like a postman, in rain, hail and sleet.  Every day was an adventure no matter the weather. She was always patient, even with those annoying kids who didn’t  follow direction.  Not only that, she was my own navigator when we traveled (I like to get lost).  She kept me on time and made sure I looked both ways when crossing the road.  My daughter now works for the school board and cares for those school children who run (in all directions) instead of walk and are considered to have behavioural problems or special needs.

Recently, I found myself withdrawing again. Instruments of wind and percussion have replaced the harp and fiddle of summer. It’s a drumming rain inside my head.  I find the early part of this transition to Autumn difficult.  I  feel sad. There is even a label for that as days grow shorter and darker- S.A.D.(Seasonal Affect Disorder) Oh no, not that now!!

letting go of the sun

A symphony or a cacophony?:

I don’t like labels but I suppose they are necessary in the contexts of mental health. For people who suffer from conditions like ADHD ( Attention Deficit, Hyper Activity Disorder) it’s hard to untangle the overload of sound and fury that often bombard them.  ADHD is life long. It can sometimes be misdiagnosed as it shares a few similar aspects with BPAD-Bipolar Affect Disorder. In fact there is a significant percentage of people who are suffering with both conditions.  When I was growing up, parents were blamed for their impulsive, out of control, depressed or disruptive children but now with psychiatric labeling many of these behaviours are now recognized as actual neurological anomalies.

Disorder: disarray, derangement 

Again, I don’t like labels. Recently, I learned a new word: “neurodiversity!”  There is a movement in psychiatry that says  “neurodiversity”  is something that may have occurred in our evolution, “not as an error but as a result in variations of the human genome”. We should celebrate these differences and not look at them negatively or as “disorders.”  For example, one of the genes associated with ADHD has been identified and is called the “novelty seeking” gene. Many of these traits can be advantageous and innovative. That is not to say that there is no downside or suffering involved.  People with ADHD have trouble concentrating. Other times they can be hyper-focused. Racing, disorganized thoughts can cause panic, frustration and confusion.

Moodiness and depression are nothing new in my own family.  Our house could be very unpredictable. At school I had trouble processing social situations. I was often in trouble for not doing things “the right way,” though I was never loud or disrespectful. I began to withdraw at an early age. I developed fears.  As a Catholic, I wondered if I was somehow lacking in grace.

mindfulness – the sky isn’t falling Henny Penny!

I still find it extremely difficult to complete projects in a timely fashion. The enthusiasm and inspiration which explodes in the beginning dissipates into procrastination and depression. The other day I found an unfinished project I had started 2 years ago. Time out!

Stop, and listen to the weather both outside and within. Embrace it all.

The children under my daughter’s care are thriving. She accepts them for who they are and brings out the best in them.  She creates a curriculum to suit their needs. She celebrates their uniqueness. She listens.

so let me try to tie up this ramble:

confusion is the mother of wisdom

Yes, there is sun and rain, calm and storm, there is sadness, there is loss.  There is motion and a constant rearrangement of our consciousness. Like the laughing children swirling like autumn leaves on their way to school, the universe  shimmers and unfolds, while the crossing guard tells us to pause and listen to the vastness.  There is no right or wrong way to make a proper cup of tea.

” Shine!  looking for the golden light – Marina and the Diamonds

Who has seen the wind!?