Remembering that we are not alone- and in memory

young deansm

Be at peace

Life is about change and loss.  Because I am learning more about Buddhism I am understanding this more, and as I get older I get more philosophical too.   I struggled with whether to post on this heavy subject but a good friend called me up last week with the very sad news of her sister’s suicide. This is also an anniversary for my family and one we would rather not have to endure.  My friend is beating herself up thinking she could have done something to stop this tragedy from happening.  Sometimes friends and family members don’t see it coming and are left with terrible anguish and guilt.

Many people in our society today suffer from mood disorders, bipolar disorder and depression being among them, and  many of those suffering often try to mask the pain somehow and often in ways that can make it worse. Many don’t seek professional help.   For some the ultimate solution is suicide and the terrible finality forever changes those who are left behind.


To my beautiful brother,

Oh, I’ve seen fire and I’ve seen rain. I’ve seen sunny days that I thought would never end.
I’ve seen lonely times when I could not find a friend,
but I always thought that I’d see you, one more time again.

– James Taylor

and as your old school mate said: “his smile made everyone want to be his friend”

I can’t believe that it’s been three years. It’s not easier.  I  am always reminded by the songs, With or Without You  By U2, Everybody Hurts by REM, the Rolling Stone concert, and of course how can we ever forget Comet Hale Bop that we awaited (and the aliens); our visit to the Buddhist monastery; your off the wall jokes and your beautiful horses. Your last gift to me, after witnessing my crazy aviary was a picture of two parrots on a rainbow which hangs in my room close to your Buddha.dean&carolweddingsoft.mono

You so loved life, your music, your longtime love from high school,Carol, the outdoors, traveling,  your snug as a bug log house in the woods, your stained glass studio and more. Yet so much I didn’t know, so much I wanted to ask you, so much I didn’t tell you!! One thing I do know is that you touched many and were loved by so many, your heartbroken family and good friends, at home and abroad.

Musician, Traveler, Artisan, Rancher, Friend, son, brother and husband

We still ask why but- Om mane padme hum my bro

though fire be mixed with your dust

yet care you not

For now all is well with you!!

Remembering always

Everybody Hurts- REM (played at your memorial)

Buddhist prayer flag - the windhorse and you on the kit

Buddhist prayer flag – the windhorse

And you on your kit with the boys at the club in Thailand performing U2’s with or without you

this smaller drum kit was given to the kids you were teaching to drum at the Thai orphanage

you pondering the tigers and a  prayer ceremony for you in Bangkok

You are  off traveling again but we wish you were here!!